How to Survive Caring for a “Challenging” Elder
Caring for a “challenging” elder can be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. I know — I went through a year of hell before I figured it out.
I had been the light of my father’s life — but with the onset of dementia he turned on me, doing and saying things that I would have never believed he could do. Having no experience with elder care, I just didn’t get it. I thought it was just due to his bad temper of a lifetime and his need to control, which it was, but it was also the very beginning of dementia that intermittently made his actions even more illogical and irrational than ever before.
Recognizing Dementia Symptoms Before It’s Too Late
The stereotype of a person with dementia is that of someone who doesn’t know what they are doing. That’s Stage Three, but there is a long road before one gets there.
Dementia starts very intermittently and is generally ignored by families who think that these strange behaviors are a normal part of aging: In the beginning, your loved one may have a raging temper tantrum and then suddenly be sweet as pie. Because there are usually long periods of normalcy, the tendency is to want to forget about the irrational incident instead of seeking treatment immediately.
Statistically families wait four years before they reach out for help — usually after a crisis. By that time, however, the person has gone through Stage One and is starting into Stage Two already, which usually requires full-time care.
Getting medication for your loved one as soon as you recognize the early warning signs of dementia can slow its progress for two to four years, saving your family a lot of heartache and money.
The 10 warning signs of dementia are:
Recent memory loss. Your loved one may ask you the same question over and over, look at a relative and ask her name, or forget that they just told you that story and tell you again.
Difficulty performing familiar tasks, such as tying a necktie or shoelaces, or being unable to do the knitting they have enjoyed for many years.
Problems with language. Using the wrong word or being unable to remember the right word to use.
Disorientation of time and place. Mistaking hours for days, or giving incorrect directions in the town they have lived in for many years.
Poor or decreased judgment. While babysitting they may completely forget about the child they are supposed to be watching.
Problems with abstract thinking. Adding becomes difficult or they may insist that a one-dollar bill is a 20-dollar bill.
Inappropriate misplacing of things. You might find the wristwatch in the sugar bowl or a hat in the freezer.
Rapid mood swings. Switching from tears to anger for no apparent reason.
Changes in personality. You may notice a tendency toward fear and paranoia.
Loss of initiative. Not wanting to get out of bed or withdrawing socially.
By Jacqueline Marcell
author of Elder Rage or, Take My Father…Please! How To Survive
Caring For Aging Parents
